So…yesterday a mechanic showed me his dick in the deserted garage of an empty storage building and I almost had a break down. I have to admit that for a while now I’ve thought all of this sexual harassment was in my head, I even thought somehow I was drawing attention to myself and “asking for it”. Then I realized how ridiculous those two notions were. Leaving the house, going to a grocery store, going to see a mechanic, needing to hire a plumber, having a meeting with a supervisor at work…men in positions of power are unavoidable and there is no scarcity of those who will use that power to their advantage. So…my mechanic showed me his dick after doing about 600$ of work on my car for free (he’s a personal and very close friend of my mother’s) with 200$or so more to go and I was alone and I was afraid and he told me not to tell anyone….yet now you know. This post is for women who deal with daily sexual harassment…women who have experienced a disturbing frequency in the amount of sexual come on’s at work, the cat calls while walking the dog, the male friends who test boundaries, the male acquaintances who make vulgar suggestions or touch them inappropriate, the professional relationships that go sour after a rejection for drinks and a night cap. This post is for YOU. I KNOW how you feel. These last few months I’ve had a friend walk into my apartment uninvited and see me naked and all but blatantly REFUSE to leave and look away. I’ve had a male acquaintance I’d met at a bus stop 5 years prior (never exchanged numbers, never exchanged names, never hung out EVER) approach me while coming out of my house and kiss me on the face. I’ve had a very close male friend show up to my house unannounced and put his hands on my breasts. And yesterday…..YESTERDAY MY MECHANIC SHOWED ME HIS DICK…and he asked “so you gonna show me what black breasts look like?” (he was a white 42 yr old guy)….and I declined politely because I was alone but inside? my stomach was in nervous knots and I was mentally shaking my head…”you have got to be fucking kidding me, whey the fuck would you pull your dick out?! why would you think I would want to see that disgusting fleshly thing? How DARE YOU ask to see my breasts, HOW DARE YOU come on to me like this” ….that’s what I should have said….Instead…Instead I got home in my car safely, told my mom what her friend did and went to bed…when all the lights were out I cried rather ugly, thinking about the last few months and wishing none of it had happened and so….SO frustrated that I couldn’t come up with a viable plan to prevent it from happening again because these situations were beyond my control and …REACTING was my only solution…do you feel like that? You are not alone.
The only way I mentally and emotionally get by when things like this happen to me is by deconstructing them…I MUST understand why they are happening and I MUST know that I am not alone. Things like this happen because men are generally socialized towards patriarchy. Patriarchy says that women were made for men and their purpose is to please men, to submit and be dominated by men…patriarchy say that men are entitled to women’s bodies and can do with them what they wish. Patriarchy says that women are men’s rewards for following patriarchy’s rules….more explicitly SEX is a MAN’S reward for being a man, and it is his for the taking….and the men who harass us follow these rules to a T and they come after any woman in their path for their reward. These men do not see us as human beings because they have been taught that only MEN are human, everything, everyone else is just there to serve men…that is why its not a big deal for a strange man to yell at us across the street that we have a nice ass or to pull up alongside us jogging and compliment our bodies….it’s not a big deal for the men we associate on a professional level (boss, coworker etc.) to compliment our legs, bump into our breasts, put their hands on our shoulders etc, it’s no big deal for the men we need (plumbers, MECHANICS, lawyers) bc women in their occupational fields are scarce, to show us their dicks, corner us in our own homes. They are following the rules….humanity be damned, the subjective humanity of every woman BE DAMNED. They are filling a desire and that desire is sexual attention: “look at my dick”, “HEY YOU ACROSS THE STREET YOU FUCKIN SEXY”, “i love when you walk by my desk to the water cooler”, “driving a car is like fucking”,