Love : The Myth Of Instant Gratification

A while ago I read bell hooks book “All About Love” and I’ve been mulling over a quote from it.

“Genuine love is rarely an emotional space where needs are instantly gratified’.

When we share our lives with someone….our family, a lover, our friends, we have to first LEARN the people in our lives….their love style and how to meet their love needs. We also have to communicate to them how to meet OUR love style and needs. In the way of love Ive realized that I have expected those who love me to show it 100% of the time, I’ve expected those who love me make me FEEL their love 100% of the time and when they don’t I, immediately question whether the love they profess is genuine. Reading this quote from bell hooks set me on a journey of my own understanding of love. When I tell someone that I love them, do I show it 100% of the time? No. Do I not love if I am not showing it 100% of the time? No. Love is something that we do to other people in order to nurture their growth in many different aspects of their lives but will we be there for every tear drop? Will we be there for every heartache or headache? Will we always understand, all the time, every circumstance the people we love go through? Will we always be able to immediately forgive the wrongs that those we love commit? No. Love is a human verb and it is subject to human error but that error does not make it any less genuine. We expect alot out of the people we love. As if “love” itself meant we could demand a level of perfection that care, like, or interest could not demand. When bell hooks says that needs are rarely instantly gratified in the realm of true love, I understand this to mean that when you love someone, in any capacity, they have to learn the way in which to love you. We aren’t born into the world knowing how to love one another, and HOW to love someone is different for everyone bc each of us are unique and what we want out of love is unique. Loving someone is a process that you never complete. Love is an emotional space where you are constantly exploring, learning and applying that knowledge and because of this, your needs will not be gratified immediately. Love is a journey and in our culture where anything you cant have immediately is not thought to be valuable, we really have to challenge this mindset when it starts to poison our understanding of love and the ways in which we DO love to one another


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