I Was Making Love To Him & He Was Fucking Me

You didnt present your shoulder to me cold
But your smile dripped icicles onto the floor
Around my feet and my passion began to melt them
I wanted to turn this into imagination and fairy tale
Verity and shine
But in a dark room my light dimmed
I brought what love I could muster, all I could carry in my arms
I laid it out in front of me, in front of you
And I spread myself open on it, then you on me
I was making love to you
And you were fucking me
Urgency, surprise, but I took it in stride
My sole purpose, to express with my body how i felt inside
And I did….full of love and earnest
And you did….with care….and routine

But out of that I took away some twisted tale of something
Just for salvation’s sake
And for a couple of days I sat in it, I wrapped myself up in it
It wasnt quite right, it wasnt quite true
I struggled
Really struggled to make this memory magic
File it away from those other mistakes
The pattern I’d created a year ago came back like tragedy
I was making love to him
He was fucking me.
But soft he was
Gentle the rejection
And the violin played
Plucking bittersweet notes that sighed down the strings
The conquest once again my sexuality
And I thought I’d learned
My value
My virtue
My very spirit……discarded for the shallowest aspects of my humanity

And Im torn apart again for pretending choosing love had made me free
I was making love to him and he was fucking me

 

*i mean this poem to be a bit of introspection, not a “woe is me” piece but a vehicle to understanding myself*

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6 thoughts on “I Was Making Love To Him & He Was Fucking Me

  1. I am blown away. Been in this boat before. This is that realness, that doesn’t shy away or flinch from human shortcomings. This spoke to me, it actually shouted, stamped its foot and did a karate chop. I appreciate your honesty and poetic justice.

    1. lmbo did a karate chop eh?! thanks girl……I’m glad someone else can understand what I mean in this one…….it obviously hit pretty close to home….and while its rough writing from a place of pain, i think it’s essential to reaching other’s who are reading from that same place

  2. Wow. This is beautiful. And yeah, I’ve been there too, but could never articulate it so elegantly as you have.

    1. thank u, it really does alot of good to me in a personal sense to know that you understand and that you can relate smh this poem expressed a pretty hard place for me to move out of

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