Sometimes a girl needs some attention….so what do you do? …..In the past I went man hunting, and all I found were men down to fuck, men who would use my need for attention and intimacy against me by lying, manipulating and even coercing me into sexual acts after knowing all I wanted was a relationship …..was love. They knew because I told them……..I told them because I was naive ….I’m a feminist now and this blog isnt about my pitiful past but how to deal with my future, knowing all that I know now. I really want to know, now that I have gotten rid of every bad egg, every hurtful person, every predator….where do I get my attention from? I am a human being and while I can pretend I dont need attention, that would be a lie! I need attention, I need a hand to hold, someone to look over at, someone to talk to but what do I do when that is not available to me? I have survived some pretty sucky things, and I have been working on paying it forward with my life, but when I’m not blogging, at school, or hanging with gf’s ……a profound sense of loneliness comes over me. I have gotten to a place in my life where the desire for a relationship does not define me, it does not keep me from moving forward but that desire does NOT go away just because it doesnt rule me…….I find myself wondering how to cope with being alone. I know WHY I am alone, I’ve mentioned it in a few of my blogs, men are not interested in being WITH a fat girl, they are only interested in fucking (that has been my experience with 95% of the men I have known). It all has to do with wanting a woman on their arm that lends them social power, I get that, I understand that because there are so many stigmas about fat women, even the men who are genuinely attracted to them, prefer them to be their secret fuck buddis then their gf’s….but knowing that doesnt help me battle how that knowledge makes me feel. If I want male attention…..I have to give up pussy, I am no longer willing to do that and so …..I have been alone without any male attention for awhile….I am made of sterner stuff, I am steel….I am human and I need to figure out how to be content without the attention…….I am not willing to settle for sex based relationships anymore, I am not willing to settle for lies, or fakeness anymore. There was a time I would have sex with someone just for the opportunity to lay with them afterwards, It tore me apart….it broke me to pieces, and now I’m all fixed up and strong enough never to go back to that. There is no danger that I would revert back to my time before feminism….which has been almost like a religion for me…it has certainly helped me heal and deconstruct the world around me to the point where I could COPE with the way things are………so …I guess I am wondering if there are any single feminists with this same problem….and how do you deal with it?