Sometimes A Girl Needs Some Attention

Sometimes a girl needs some attention….so what do you do? …..In the past I went man hunting, and all I found were men down to fuck, men who would use my need for attention and intimacy against me by lying, manipulating and even coercing me into sexual acts after knowing all I wanted was a relationship …..was love. They knew because I told them……..I told them because I was naive ….I’m a feminist now and this blog isnt about my pitiful past but how to deal with my future, knowing all that I know now. I really want to know, now that I have gotten rid of every bad egg, every hurtful person, every predator….where do I get my attention from? I am a human being and while I can pretend I dont need attention, that would be a lie! I need attention, I need a hand to hold, someone to look over at, someone to talk to but what do I do when that is not available to me? I have survived some pretty sucky things, and I have been working on paying it forward with my life, but when I’m not blogging, at school, or hanging with gf’s ……a profound sense of loneliness comes over me. I have gotten to a place in my life where the desire for a relationship does not define me, it does not keep me from moving forward but that desire does NOT go away just because it doesnt rule me…….I find myself wondering how to cope with being alone. I know WHY I am alone, I’ve mentioned it in a few of my blogs, men are not interested in being WITH a fat girl, they are only interested in fucking (that has been my experience with 95% of the men I have known). It all has to do with wanting a woman on their arm that lends them social power, I get that, I understand that because there are so many stigmas about fat women, even the men who are genuinely attracted to them, prefer them to be their secret fuck buddis then their gf’s….but knowing that doesnt help me battle how that knowledge makes me feel. If I want male attention…..I have to give up pussy, I am no longer willing to do that and so …..I have been alone without any male attention for awhile….I am made of sterner stuff, I am steel….I am human and I need to figure out how to be content without the attention…….I am not willing to settle for sex based relationships anymore, I am not willing to settle for lies, or fakeness anymore. There was a time I would have sex with someone just for the opportunity to lay with them afterwards, It tore me apart….it broke me to pieces, and now I’m all fixed up and strong enough never to go back to that. There is no danger that I would revert back to my time before feminism….which has been almost like a religion for me…it has certainly helped me heal and deconstruct the world around me to the point where I could COPE with the way things are………so …I guess I am wondering if there are any single feminists with this same problem….and how do you deal with it?


10 thoughts on “Sometimes A Girl Needs Some Attention

  1. Hi Nicci

    Wow, that’s so heartrenching and I identify with it so much. I remember being where you are. I was single for about 15 years. I could just never find anyone that I liked that didn’t expect me to put out. Plus, I had so little contact with men, got to the point where I couldn’t handle the lonliness and need to touch any longer that I would put out at the first sign that this person was kind of ok. It very much reinforced that stereotype that fat girls put out and didn’t require respect and consideration, for me as much as them.

    That said I wasn’t prepared to be treated badly. I liked myself enough that I just wasn’t prepared to even think about tieing myself to someone that I didn’t love, let alone like. And the sex was a big issue for me. I wanted to be with someone who actually found me attractive both as a person and as a lover. I refused to settle. I used to believe that I would never ever be in a relationship and would always, always be alone and unloved.

    Now I’m in a relationship with a fabulous man who finds me sexy as hell and loves my fat body way more than I do. More to the point I love him, I adore being with him and he’s just perfect for me. We fight alot, mostly because hello single for 15 years here, so I have plenty of issues with male crap and feelings of being controlled. We fight, but we also communicate and get back to loving each other with is just amazing.

    There were times in my life where I thought that I could never ever find anyone to love me. In all those years of dating and random hookups I didn’t even come across someone that I liked well enough to see more than once or twice. I was tempted to just give up and settle but, how do you do that exactly? Its impossible to be anything other than who you are.

    What I did to change was get happy in myself. I learnt to visualise about what I wanted and it turned out what I wanted was a man. Really badly. So I spent a very happy few months visualising and having fun and then bang this man was suddenly in my life. Things got a bit up and down then but I’ve never regretted it. Well, ok, I have because seriously sometimes, men!, but I love where I am now and have no plan to change that.

    At the end of the day what worked for me was believing that I was loveable and really being able to see myself with a man.

    I hope my perspective is helpful. Either way, good luck and keep writing.

    1. It was very helpful and encouraging…….it kind of gives me hope that there might be someone out there for me. I have accepted that I am loveable *FINALLY* and that I am worthy ……I am good enough for a man. The question is, will a man that is good enough for ME, show? If he doesnt I just hope I have what it takes to be alone n COMPLETELY happy……… Thank you for sharing your story with me, and I am so happy that your waiting paid off. It feels good to know that “not settling” is effective , that it actually WORKS.

    LIKE A TROPHY!!! It’s why I don’t put my
    actual face on my twitter avi. I want people to know that I have a brain and am educated and can write. If they’re intrigued enough by my words and brain, they’ll make an effort to get to know me. Men! Can’t live with em, can’t live without em.

    1. I do too! blech! I’m more than a gorgeous face lol ….its wise to let someone know what your all about before they even know that your a bombshell, that way yur looks are just the cherry on top not the whole sundae.

  3. I find that what you say in your blog and what your tweets say are contradictory. You say you want attention(understandable we all do) but your tweets say that you enjoyed intercourse with someone but kicked him out afterwards (lol, your words not mine) and he never called you again. You used him how you had been used by others. Maybe he wanted to cuddle, maybe not.

    1. I said 7 months ago, alot has changed since then. and I actually did NOT use him for sex, he used me for sex and expected me to let him stay the night definitely NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. The trend that I got out of 7 months ago was a painful and abusive one. I found that I would tell a man from the beginning that I wasnt interested in sex with them and as soon as they got me alone they became really aggressive, and I started a cycle of compliant sex that I couldnt get out of for some time. I didnt have the strength to do anything (mentally) about it except to kick them out afterwards. My mentality was you got what you wanted but your not going to get anything else…… That was my little bit of power……and my little bit of shame too. One tweet cannot tell the entire story, and I really didnt want to share that part of it. But alas! Now you know. Btw it is human nature to be contradictory, you cannot take your own advice or even apply all of your knowledge perfectly all of the time. Thank you for your comment

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