I have been tweeting for a little while today about how important it is for men to say what they want and to ASK before they decide to proceed. You cannot rely on a woman’s physical cues or body language, you cannot rely solely on your belief that your a sexy man Casanova that is simply irresistible. There is entirely too much miscommunication that can lead to compliant sex and even rape. If you are a man it is not ok to push your sexual agenda on a woman, especially if she is resisting you. Even if you think she will change her mind in the process of you trying to convince her physically. It is not ok to call her names, coerce her, wear her down, to intimidate or make her feel unworthy of you in order to get her to have sex with you. Manipulation, Coercion & intimidation are deceitful, fear tactics and these are the tactics that rapists use to get what they want. The line is very thin, how close do you have to come to it before you cross it outright?
There is a clear difference between consent and compliance. When a woman says no, and you take it upon yourself to change her mind, you are disrespecting her, and if she stops saying no and you end up having sex, she complied with your wishes because of something negative you did. She did not DESIRE to have sex with you or else she would have said YES. A woman can consent if and only if you ASK HER to have sex or if she initiates it. I mean VERBALLY ASK HER. And then WAIT for her reply. And women! You have to make your boundaries clear, I know it seems sexy sometimes to pretend like you don’t want sex when you really want it but you are sending mixed messages that will spell trouble for other woman. Yes means yes and NO HAS TO MEAN NO for EVERYONE in order for women to be able to have true, unadulterated sexual freedom. I will concede that when you have been with a partner for a while you can tell when they are ready for sex, you learn to read them, but you cannot ALWAYS rely on that especially with women that you are only trying to screw (casual sex, one night stands, nsa etc). It is NOT taboo to ask a woman if she wants to have sex, you are taking your agenda and checking to make sure it matches up with hers, if it doesnt then can you really have GOOD sex? No. Women deserve to be treated like whole individuals. Not just a HOLE you stick your dick in and then pull it out when your all finished. Women are human beings do not strip them of that by denying their right to give consent. There is never too much heat in a moment for you to stop and ask if this is what she wants, or even if this is what HE wants. Compliant sex strips people of their sexual freedom…..people usually comply because they have been coerced, shamed, manipulated or assured they will lose your attention if they do not agree to sex. That is not a healthy sexual experience. We have got to start having responsible sex, and in order for sex to be responsible you have to be 100% that the person you are trying to engage WANTS to be engaged. Yes means yes and no, NEVER means try harder. …………..ask first
Dear girls & women…..remember to use the power you have to say no, no with your mouth and no with your actions, if he is on top of you, push him off and say NO. if he has his hand on your thigh, take it off of you and say NO, if he is trying to take off your clothes and that is not what you want do NOT sit there in silence, do not utter a faint no, say NO firmly and get him off of you. You owe no one sex, not for anything be it a compliment, dinner or a trip to Vegas. I love sex just like the next woman and this article isnt about telling you when you can and cant have it or with who…it is about making sure you are making CONCISE choices about sex, taking full responsibility for who you have sex with and why. Every sexual act you engage in should be a reflection of your desire.
*picture taken from http://weekdayblues.wordpress.com/2010/11/03/no-means/ *