I can be such a bitch sometimes, in fact, I’ve noticed how aggressive I have been lately but for real I can’t get people to respect what I say unless I’m being straight up MEAN about it. This especially holds true for men. I fucking hate talking to some men because you literally have to ask them the same question 8 times in a row before they will answer it and then you have to ask them over a period of WEEKS even months to get them to answer you with the truth. I should be able to ask a man what his intentions are with me and get a straight answer! Integrity dictates that even when your sure that your answer will mean that events will not go in your favor you answer honestly anyways. Prime example, I always ask a guy who shows interest in me what he wants, they usually say something like “to get to know you” or “to see where it goes” and that is too vague for me. So I say to what end do you want to get to know me? What type of relationship are you looking to have and they usually say they don’t know……LIE #1. When you see a woman you are attracted to, when i see a man I am attracted, I know within the first conversation, what capacity I want them to serve in my life. Maybe I just want to screw them, maybe I want to date them, maybe i want to husband them…..maybe they just want to screw me, but I ALWAYS know. So I don’t think its bitchy or too much to ask to find out if the person who is asking for my number is looking for a sex based hook up or something more. Now, I’m not a “slut” or anything, and the likelihood that knowing someone just wants sex will lead to me continuing to talk to them is pretty much non-existent I STILL HAVE THE RIGHT TO KNOW. So why is it that after weeks of trying to wear me down, manipulate me into sex, promise me a relationship and choking me with compliments, I still can’t get a straight answer? And to make matters worse….After I have sex with someone, I kan always TELL they only wanted sex, by their actions right afterward. And when I say ok well you got what you wanted you should probably run along home now and don’t bother calling me (because that fucking pisses me off, like don’t wear me down for a month pretending just for the chance to use me) they get all self righteous on me: WHAT DO YOU MEAN GO HOME, WHAT DO YOU MEAN I KAN’T SPEND THE NIGHT? I TOLD YOU THIS WASNT JUST ABOUT SEX, I STILL WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU AND BE YOUR FRIEND! ….like they get so angry with me, telling me I put words in their mouths and blah blah blah when they are just upset because I hit the nail on the head.
And this ladies and gentlemen is the reason I stopped having sex for 3 months…then I broke it for someone I thought was genuine that wasnt. this was my fault completely. I say my fault because after all of this time, I should know better, but I still had hope that this one was different…….he wasnt. So now I’m back on the sex wagon. And yes I realize this is the 2nd post I’ve made about the same situation but it still bothers me. The above conversation and situation is pretty much the only type of relationship I have had with men. It is true that a few can ruin it for all of you. So now I want someone who approaches me and doesnt mention sex until a month in or at least until we are familiar with each other enough to go there. This is probably NEVER going to happen so I have been trying to prepare myself for the event that I very well might end up alone. I cannot respect a man that tries to fuck me the first day or date or the first week. I just don’t have the ability to respect you, I cannot put you in another category from the other ones when you act the exact same way. I cannot give you the benefit of the doubt, or explain away your behavior by saying “your just a really sexual person” no. You just have no respect for me and no control over yourself. Not that it matters because yu just wanted sex anyways and you’ll find another plus girl to trick into fucking you, if it wasnt me that these types of men use, it will be someone else. I’d prefer it was someone else. So until someone can approach me the way I NEED to be approached in order to respect and trust a man, then its a wrap for me. Something tells me that I wont find that. And while I survive as a single person by having those happy delusions (loving someone that doesnt love me in order to be happy alone, but without expecting anything in return from them or telling them so that I dont get my feelings hurt) I hope that i get to a place where I can do away with those happy delusions completely! I would rather abandon those and treat myself to some real blunt, in your face honesty and live my life that way…..but I am not there yet lol. I am an awesome person with high demands who refuses to be the other woman, the rolled up toilet tissue you nut in and stuff in between the couch cushions, that girl that you call at 3am when yur sloppy to get some from……And for now I need something to soften reality
I don’t want to be treated like a whore, or less than what I am and I might never meet someone who can do more than that for me. But by the grace of God, I have been able to get a handle on myself, on my emotions, on my life and while I rant on my blog about things like this, I am beginning to come to terms with my singleness. Really I have no other choice lol And I am not a victim, this isnt a blog about how alone and sad and miserable I am and how I just cant catch a break…..its an actual rant about the way people treat others, the way someone can boldly lie in your face just to take advantage of you. And you know what? I’m not mad at any man in particular, I’m disappointed that this sort of behavior is acceptable. That people participate in these parasitic relationships without any care for themselves or the person they are using. I promise myself today that I will not fuck another person until I can prove beyond a reasonable doubt that they aren’t trying to use me. And I am the ONLY one who can make this happen. I cannot control other people, or their triflin ass agendas but GOTDAMNIT i can control who comes in my life & who fucks me.
*btw* its not parasitic if yu both agree to use each other, no its symbiotic, but this post is about my desire NOT to participate and the ruthless tactics some use to persuade, manipulate or intimidate me into participate