Lately I’ve been getting into alot of arguments and while i love a rousing debate i loathe arguing. These arguments have been with men that are not my friends, and do not have anything to do with me besides the fact that they would really like a chance to “do” me. I am not a prude but I am not a woman who is careless with her body or her peace of mind. I promised myself to forgo sex until I met someone who wanted more than that and I have stuck to this promise. But on my search for “the one” I have met alot of disrespectful men who are cursed with the disease known as “male entitlement”. Male entitlement, the way I know it in my life is the understanding that men learn as boys that they are entitled to sexual action from women based on the fact that they are men. That sex is a common denominator in every relationship they have because they are entitled to it because they sport a dick and usually balls.
So, in meeting alot of men who do not understand that access to a vagina is a privilege not a right, I am bound to get in a few disagreements. I am however surprised how rude and two faced guys can be when they don’t get their way. I am a fat woman, the men I meet are naturally attracted to fat women but with that comes a social license to treat fat women with less value than skinny women. Society says fat women have less value, men have permission therefore to treat them that way. and what happens when a man encounters a woman that is fat but believes her value is greater than or equal to a skinny woman? They are offended. They are mad, they can’t believe my boldness and they go out of their way to “put me in my place”. These men one minute smile nice while saying ” damn you have a beautiful body, when can I fuck you”. And when I reply “you can’t” they start calling me a bitch, a fat bitch, ugly and telling me how I should be groveling at their feet crawling towards their crotches begging for a peek at them naked etc. A change in tactics, from complimentary to shaming and intimidation to get what they want and I just don’t UNDERSTAND. Just because you want something from me (something that is MINE) and I won’t give it to you doesnt give you permission to treat me like trash.
My search for the one has left me pessimistic and cynical towards men because everything men tell me is lies. Literally, I’ve had men say they wanted to be with me beg me for my attention, my time and never mention sex, and then when they get me alone they are all over me and the sweetness has gone out of their words and they are grabby and pushy and mean ……They think that they a have a right to my body because I am a woman, and then they think they have the right to treat me like a dog because I am fat. Well, regardless of what these men think I am a woman and no one has a right to my body, I am free as any man is free and I don’t owe you anything. I am not less valuable, or less intrinsically worthy because I have extra fat on my body, fat is nothing more than a feature like grey hair. I know this and I strive to educate these ignorant ass men who DON’T know this.
This is where the arguing comes in….I’m tired of the same old arguments over my worth to men who won’t see it because admitting I am worthy and human and valuable means admitting they are morally and ethically wrong. Admitting these things means they have to change their behavior, means they will get less of what they want because it doesnt sit well with them treating real people that way. But if they can find a way to make me different, to other me to exclude me from the standard definition of humanity then they can excuse their behavior. Being a woman is a good enough excuse, being fat is a good enough excuse and consider this being: black was a good enough excuse to enslave an entire race of people for profit. When will we stop looking for excuses for our behavior and start changing because its the RIGHT thing to do