Yellowing Roots

100 years have packed me away into 21
And I have been through the fires of a well formed woman
For all of my burns and my healings
I’d thought revelation would come riding on the wings of acceptance and peace
But here mangled, wrinkled soul like the bark on a twisted tree
I am chaotically strong, having buried myself in my beliefs
Hardened and unshakeable yet gnarled, deeply rooted
Firmly near the river bank, drawing strength and rejuvenation
I drink intensely, life from the soil I’ve been planted in
While I reach out to no one, to nothing in particular
…..That which is open
Is all that can receive me
Apparent, thick, with sturdy limbs, monumentous
Awesome
Like great coastal redwoods….mysterious in quality
As lightening hides the threat of destruction with beauty
Far more disturbing
I suspect that inside me rising up
Bubbling from my glorious base to trunk
A writhing mass of squirming confusion that threatens stability
Little things plotting subterfuge, double agents with many faces
These eat away at the solid inner corridors like a kind of…moving despair
Eroding hope and optimism ….stunting growth
For a while now I had known the change in me would be tested
For a while now I had known that just because I’d started becoming
My fight would rage until I was become.
And I’d always imagined the enemy that I would rage against
To be foreign and strange
Yet she is more familiar than I’d like to acknowledge
Doubt is my enemy…..riding on restlessness
Looking to rot me from the inside out
Sabotage
With other trees, other people crowding me
Choking me from the sun
Threatening darkness and insanity
And I have nothing to cling to but the sanctuary of knowledge
And the power of wisdom
And the prayer that these will be enough

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