Defining Yourself Through The Eyes Of Someone Else

So this is my first blog…I’m sorta psyched about it. I’ve been cruising this site for a few hours now and as i was reading i found myself in a peculiar state of mind. On the one hand their are a lot of articles on here i can relate to and on the other…some that challenge my idea of “fat” culture.I have this tendency to lean towards believing that if anyone doesn’t like their size they can change it. I was brought up this way but I also know from personal experience this isnt true. I know that some people are supposed to be fat, that you can be fat with perfect blood pressure and a healthy heart!

So …having said that i realize that the way we are socialized  has a profound effect on whose eyes we see ourselves through. It is a daily struggle to see myself as Nicci, and not that fat girl. Women that are fat tend to look at themselves through the eyes of men and women that aren’t fat because that is whose story is told in society and the media every day!

its hard not to see yourself as “lucky” to get a scrap of male attention. Its hard not to keep tearing down boundaries and settling for friends and romantic relationships that are unsatisfying just because you are afraid that you will not find anyone who will accept you as is. And damn if it isnt tempting to blame yourself for everything society says is wrong with you…the things embedded in you since childhood. Its always the skinny athletic man who gets the girl in correct porportion, its always the skinny waisted girl in a music video that some how exploits all the good sexual aspects of a big girl and still maintains her sexiness because of the size of her waist.Society tells us that fat is not beautiful yet I have met many men who couldnt keep their hands off of me.

Attraction is something that you cannot control …its is subjective. yet the media insists on pretending their is a standard for beauty! That every pretty woman is usually skinny/thin, white, with good flowing hair. Yet if i asked every man in the world what the most sexiest thing about a woman was the answers would be completely different…some men like huge feet other like skinny legs. Some LOVE back fat and others like big asses. So if attraction is subjective then WHY OH WHY does everyone shun fat people? I think in many cases people lay aside what they want in favor of the “norm”. In my own personal experience this is when a man has a girlfriend who is skinny and white but he tries to talk to me in order to use me to satisfy his sexual attraction for big black girls! Society has said that fat women are of less worth  than skinny women so the men who like us big girls (not all but a healthy majority) objectify us to satisfy their propensity for “cushing for the pushin” and sadly some of us accept it …simply because we see ourselves through the eyes of the bigots and hypocrites.

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