The Effect of Patriarchal Masculinity On Men

well I got into a tweeting frenzy over this topic “the effect of patriarchal masculinity on men” and i got some complaints that i should put it into a blog instead of filling up TL’s or forcing the retweet of 30 tweets lol so I thought eh, i can put it in a blog too

The Effects Of Patriarchal Masculinity On Men

—-Recently I have been reading a book called “The Will To Change” by bell hooks and it introduced me to the concept of patriarchal masculinity…it is an identity that is based solely on the will to control and the rewards for this identity are for men…there are however many drawbacks and dehumanizing consequences to these so called rewards and that is what I’ll be talking about.

Firstly Patriarchal Masculinity is set on the belief that men have the right to dominate and control women, children and some other men. Patriarchal Masculinity has promised that along with this “right” to control will come privileges and these privileges are status, power and sex. This type of masculinity has bred men and boys alike who are obsessed with these privileges….so much so that they cannot tap into a more humane identity that allows them access to LOVE. This type of masculinity also denies men natural outlets for emotional turmoil like loss, anger, pain, envy and hatred….this is one of the reasons why the impulsive response to these types of emotions are physical violence. Men hit when they get angry, hurt, confused, frustrated, they lash out. Society has taught men that lashing out is a perfectly acceptable response to emotion. In fact for a man to cry would men he is prey for other men or has lost his RIGHT to manhood. Any expression of emotion that is not sexual or violent (emotionally or physically) is seen as unmanly. This steals the humanity from men and boys. Alot of women even feed into this type of masculinity. They tell their male sons to “man up” when they cry over a skinned knee, they stand by idly when their boyfriends/husbands/uncles beat their children for expressing emotion outside of violence. Some women also believe that they can tap into the power that is promised to men if they reinforce and encourage the damaging identity that is patriarchy.  When a man hits a woman for cheating, or beats another man to death for looking at his woman, he is punished but socially there is an “understanding” that THIS is the way that mean “are” …men are automatically assumed to be uncontrolled and they are given space to be uncontrolled….they are even EXPECTED to be uncontrolled and it is this expectation that keeps men from expressing their emotions healthily and humanly. Violence has no place in the expression of emotion yet if a man does not express himself violently homophobia and a hatred for all things feminine is used to reign him back into patriarchal manhood. This steals the right of men to cry, to grieve, to communicate their pain and frustration and to release their emotions in a way that wont alienate or isolate them from the people that they love. This is one of the worst effects of patriarchal masculinity on men and it is rarely talked about. Even modern day feminists recognize the need for an end to patriarchy to stop the oppression of women but ….to stop the oppression of men we must recognize that patriarchy does not only benefit men…it also hurts them. Men are dying from patriarchal masculinity from stress, murder and extended prison stays…from patriarchal guidelines that expect “toughness” so that men do not seek psychological or physical help with their health…it keeps them driving toward their goal of power….a goal that will never satisfy them….a goal that keeps them from the humanity of love.

The will to control cannot exist with the will to love and this reality has stolen the humanity from many men and some women. Patriarchy’s promises (sex, power) are always being tested by life circumstances…death, children, courtship etc. and often men HAVE to choose. either embrace the will to love which promises life and love and longevity …or embrace the will to control which promises death, bad health, isolation and fear. The will to control and the will to love do not exist on the same plane because they are the opposite of each other and patriarchal masculinity is BUILT on this will to control. Most men are raised on patriarchal masculinity and only glimpse love before they sabotage it with their will to control The very identity of most men relies on patriarchal masculinity, any threat to that identity …any loss of control or test to their control will result in violence either emotionally or physically. This violence is snatches love from men, being cold, distant, domineering or inciting fear in the people who love you drives them away or breaks their love for you into nothing but fear. Being physically violent, hitting, punching, kicking, sexual violence will get you separated from your loved ones as well…..either by jail or them leaving. The result of the will to control/dominate is LOSS. Nothing stays when the will to control is prevalent no relationship thrives…not even the relationship with the SELF when the will to control is prevalent. this problem is very deeply rooted, it is often taught by mothers and fathers alike to young boys and young girls, it is reinforced in school, college, the work place and it takes a conscious effort to battle…but battling it is essential for the survival of men and women.

WE have been fighting the oppression of men for a long time, it is time to take a different approach…men either have become or are becoming disillusioned with the promises made by patriarchal masculinity…the promise of sex is not satisfying, the promise of power is not enough…they see the people in their lives coming and going because they cannot let go of the will to control …it is time to teach a masculinity that is built on the will to love….bell hooks calls this masculinity “feminist masculinity” the word feminist tends to scare men away because they do not realize the nature of feminism so calling it “masculinity” will work just as well. This NEW masculinity calls for an ethic of love, it allows men to FEEL, it allows men an outlet for emotion that does not involve violence (emotional or physical) it allows men to maintain and uphold relationships built on love that nurture their physical, spiritual and emotional growth and most of all …..this new masculinity allows men to heal …knowing the effect of patriarchal masculinity on men is only a starting point….we must now begin to challenge this masculinity (men and women alike)

There is work to be done

 

Poem & My Lover

I wrote you so many poems you have yet to read
Syncopated lines softening and glaring….hungry and broken
Naked and bold
2 years …..A succession of poems
Where hope became dispute between my pen and paper
My lust a dissonant rhythm in words
Poem told the secret of my butterflies
Caught me convulsing where intimate bodies collide
Poem knew your lips on mine
Poem took you as a lover when I was terrified
Those secret conversations in twilight
I used poem to describe
When infatuation stole my sense… pebbled my skin…shivered my spine
Poem counseled me, help me draw the line
Into the calm poem carried me…… feverish for your touch
Poem expressed my strain to connect more than slick forms
But hearts and souls
Like poem our sounds did not always conform
At times you’d break quiet and cold
I waited for absolution with poem
I prayed in poem
And as we drift back to center and start rhyming again
These poems become loves amen

 

Lament- A Poem

I opened my legs and you sat …
Smooth back to my stomach, your head resting on my chest
You looked into the night, heavy and somber
Silent
The world exploded today
Those scattered pieces pooled in your eyes and ran down your cheeks
Away from me, Away from the day ….gathering quietly in the night
I was speechless….. just breathing as I held you, skin to skin
Man to woman
Death took peace without forewarning
Leaving you with those pieces of the world to restore
But for a few moments in pitch black
Scattered and broken
Confused and afraid
Full of sorrow
And skin to skin
I held you to grieve
With nothing to give you but hush

 

A Dream or January : A Poem

My heart’s been January
Ice and midnight
And I drifted down a cold creek
Washed naked onto an island with swaying palms
The sun shone… fire
And I came alive
Along the shore atop the sand you beckoned
I collapsed, grateful and afraid
Drawn to the heat of you, your secret scent
Fingers, lips, sweat, slick….abandon
I stayed there for safety
I stayed there for hope
You took off down the beach away from me
Half flying, half running
Leaving me foot prints to follow
And every time I caught up, you were mine for the moment
I was content to give chase
Lived for the trail
In those footprints were words, maybes and promises
They became my future, my truth
I called them what I needed them to be
But
It was all a dream
You were a dream
And I made you reality…anything was better than January
The unforgiving cold….loveless chill ….alone
For a while it was a dream or nothing
A dream or January and I needed the heat
A dream or nothing…..
Now i want something ….in between

 

Trayvon Martin: Begging The White Power Structure For Justice…Again

The Run Down:

On Feb. 26, Trayvon Martin was a 17 year old boy, carrying skittles and tea in his pockets, was murdered by a white man about a month ago. George Zimmerman a self appointed “neighborhood watchman” stalked Trayvon through his neighborhood, first in his car and then on foot. He called the police while following Trayvon and declared he was following a suspicious person, the police instructed him not to follow him. Zimmerman decided to continue to follow him. He then approached Trayvon Martin, attacked him (knocking the phone out of Trayvon’s hand) and began to beat him up. Trayvon was yelling for help, Zimmerman pulled out a 9mm and shot Trayvon dead. On the 911 tapes, Trayvon’s calls for help were recorded, also recorded was Zimmerman calling Trayvon a “fucking coon” before shooting him. The 911 tapes are all available online as is the main story. Zimmerman sat at home for a month without being arrested while Trayvon laid in the morgue for 3 days with a “john doe” tag on his toe….even though his cell phone was brought in with his body. The local police did nothing to bring Zimmerman in….yesterday the FBI declared they were going to investigate. The local police apparently have a history of bias when it comes to cases involving black people. Trayvon’s mother was interviewed by a white newscaster who asked her if Trayvon “liked chicken” ..she then giggled….because, naturally, the death of a teenage black boy is a laughing matter

******UPDATE*******

After 2 months Trayvon’s killer George Zimmerman has been arrested and is FINALLY being tried for second degree murder. We have the work of Trayvon’s mother and the rallies and petitions that went out on Trayvon’s behalf to thank for this second step towards justice. We must keep the pressure on to ensure that George Zimmerman is convicted and serves the max. Also to ensure that the police department either faces some financial sanctions or some firings over their handling of Zimmerman’s release. I believe a thorough investigation needs to be done of that police department. 

The White Power Structure

Trayvon Martin did not have the advantage that other innocent teens killed have. He did not have the media to blast his story or a nation crying out for justice on his behalf …..because he is black. He has less value than white people..which has been the rule in America since slavery, simply put? Trayvon’s color declared he was not newsworthy. The only reason the black community knew is because of social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook and small time black radio shows. The black communities on these networks have been trying to raise awareness and demand justice for a MONTH now while the major news outlets were silent……Why? Because Trayvon is a black boy, son of a black mother and father, whose ancestors were slaves, nothings, inferiors, his murder was not news because the media thought he was just another nigga. In order to get Trayvon any attention petitions have gone around, there is a rally planned in NYC and one in florida, there has been blog posts and tweets and fb notes dedicated to raising awareness about Trayvon because the mainstream news has ignored his story just as much as the police ignored the fact that his killer was not behind bars. Petitions, rally’s, blogs, tweets, word of mouth…for justice. Black people are BEGGING the white power structure to prosecute George Zimmerman because for some reason, the murder of Trayvon isnt OBVIOUSLY a murder. Why? because George Zimmerman is a white man and he was/is being protected by his privilege. Only now is Trayvon’s case getting news coverage because his story is “sensational” its “entertainment” a tsk tsk tsk narrative. Cases where black children are murdered or go missing, go unreported by the mainstream news stations because white society DOESNT CARE and reporters report what will grab the attention of white society. This culture of white supremacist domination has silenced the voice of Trayvon and protected his killer and here the black community is BEGGING for them to take what happened seriously. Only when the FBI got involved did the major news centers think the story was newsworthy….BECAUSE of its sensationalism

Why do we have to beg white society  for the rights that are supposed to be inherent? Explicitly our right to LIFE? our right to LIBERTY? This is the America black people know…..the one where we have to beg those who oppress us to stop long enough for us to get to our feet, the one where we have to beg white people to see it in their hearts to prosecute someone who is CLEARLY guilty of a hate crime. Trayvon Martin was LYNCHED and life went back to normal for the Zimmerman’s, the black community then had to get on its knees and work, really work, beg for the attention of white run news stations and white reporters and white run “justice” departments to do what they are SUPPOSED TO DO, report, prosecute, uphold the law, protect the RIGHTS of human beings. Why do people of color have to beg these institutions for rights that are inherent? What is it about being a black person in America that makes the news, the judicial system and society disregard you as non-human? Everyone is so gungho about this being America, they love to recite our bill of rights until black people ask to be protected under them. Life is an unalienable right….but if you’re black you have to ask white people to grant that right to you. White people should have NEVER had the power to grant black people rights, they should have NEVER had the power to deny them. But the reality is that since slavery white people have held the rights of black people in the palm of their hands and they pass out justice when they feel like it and I guess in the case of Trayvon Martin….they didnt feel like it until this teenager was cold and dead for a month. I say ‘begging the white power structure for justice again” because this is not the first …nor will it be the last time we have to find white people to get behind us in order to get justice. This is not going to be the last time we have to beg new stations and papers to put out a story on behalf of a victim of murder and hate.

Also…

I’ve been tweeting about this today and a white man asked me not to “lump all white people in” and to that I have this to say : you are in no danger of being lumped in with white racists and racist institutions  when you are fighting them with those they are oppressing. You’re silence on issues like Trayvon Martin is agreement with those people and institutions that do not believe he deserves justice. This goes for white and black and hispanic and all people alike in America. you’re silence will NOT protect you! Black people, do not think that this couldnt happen to you or your child because it COULD. If you are silent or you sleep on Trayvon’s story then you send the message that this is permitted. You ARE Trayvon Martin because but for the grace of God go you.

White and black people…..too long we have been internalizing racism so that we cant even RECOGNIZE it when we are being racist or when we are suffering under its oppressive hand…does it really take the death of a teenager to make us stop long enough to address the problems in our country? and what would happen if the FBI hadnt finally gotten a hold of this case? The silence would have grown……things like Trayvon’s case are the BOIL OVER of white supremacy and covert racism, we have to start addressing the root of the problem …..or get used to burying black children when white men/women feel threatened

 

This Isn’t A Feminist/Womanist Competition

It baffles me the way that some feminists and womanists use their passion for advocacy to push people away from the woman’s movement. They attack the first thing they disagree with, they curse each other out and SOMETIMES they actually use misogynistic and even racial slurs against people who disagree, all in the name of advocacy. The way that feminists/womanists communicate has GOT to change!.Solidarity with other feminists/womanists is the corner stone to sparking change, sparking revolution but if we’re too caught up in the argument of it to actually unite then the knowledge we have and the passion we have for justice is useless. This is not a feminist/womanist competition. We dont need to out do each other by arguing angrily, insulting one another and by trying to silence each other. I understand being a disempowered woman, especially a black woman….I myself live life that way but it isnt actually empowering to use our knowledge in feminine pissing contests.

I am also disturbed the way that some white feminists refuse to hear ANYTHING a woman of color has to say if it mentions white privilege or supremacy, its like they think because they are women they cannot be oppressors. WRONG. You CAN be an oppressor and some of you ARE, just the fact that you think you aren’t and refuse to hear that you may be is oppressive because it means youre using your privilege to silence a woman of color. there has to be a moment where you SHUT UP and let women of color speak on behalf of themselves, where you let women of color TEACH you about their experiences becuase no….you dont know everything there is to know about being a woman aespecially a woman of color. Then women of color….the way you talk to white women, we’re angry without provocation and we’re EXTREMELY impatient with them. We need to stop that. At the end of the day some of our struggles intersect and its counter productive to immediately and completely dismiss all white feminists because of privilege….unless we all go back to africa or our respective countries then we have to live along side white women …and more than that, they are fighting for something too and they need to be EDUCATED, not yelled at, not cussed at.Also black feminists….lets chill out with the colorism. Yes, light skinned women are privileged but they are of African decent  and they are fighting for the same cause you are fighting for. Light skinned women, a dark skinned woman who tries to get you to see your privilege is NOT attacking you, she is not accusing you, she is teaching you. Just because the lesson hurts doesnt mean its irrelevant. At the end of the day, privilege because of color is a problem started by white supremacy, light skinned women, check your privilege, dark skinned women work with light skinned women to smash white supremacy.  Light skinned feminists/womanists are not your enemies.

STOP TRYING TO SILENCE TRANS PERSONS! They are human beings with a struggle of their own. They are beaten and oppressed because of their gender….sound familiar?! the root of femininism and womanism is to smash forced gender roles so that the humanity in every human being can come out without barriers. That struggle is not unique to women, men, straight, bi, homosexual or transgendered persons. They are not going to ruin anything, they want their voice to be heard as badly as you do and they are just as important as you are. Lesbians, Gays, and Bi-Sexuals are the same, we have all suffered blows at the hands of patriarchal terrorism and it is that same patriarchy that demands cisgenderism, that demands every woman be with a man and every man with a woman regardless of their NATURAL state of attraction….we’re FIGHTING that right? So stop denying access and a voice to LGBT members of the community, either we’re REALLY fighting patriarchy or we are pandering to patriarchy hoping that ONLY WE get a pass from under its thumb and THAT is NOT feminism or womanism.

And lastly….when someone who is oppressed by something you experience privilege under, BELIEVE THEM, stop denying privilege because it is not UP TO YOU to tell a fat person that they do not experience fat bigotry, or a black person that they do not experience racism, any more than it is for a man to tell a woman she is not experiencing sexism. I was hurt a few weeks ago talking to some of my fellow womanists about thin privilege and fat bigotry….they thought it was a joke. Some actually had the audacity to say “not every thing is privilege, fat people just want an excuse to be fat” …..really? I admit that I shut down, here I am trying to educate and simultaneously stand with women like myself and they are using their privilege to silence me and THEY DIDNT EVEN REALIZE IT. Because fat hatred was so ingrained in them, they could not see their privilege…..they could see the privilege of white people, of men, of the rich, of light skinned people but they could not see that because they were “thin” they had more power and status than a fat person, power and status they did not earn. Open your eyes and your ears fam….you could be at the lowest end of the social pole and still be able to silence someone else….its not just about what other people and institutions do to YOU, its also about the role YOU play in doing things to others. Are you a kick ass feminist who takes pictures of fat people to post online for “fun” ? Then you need to take a step back and REALLY re-evaluate your privilege and your bigotry…just because we are advocates doesnt mean we are perfect but we are GUILTY when we do not CHECK ourselves when we are wrong

We want to foster an atmosphere of growth and mutual respect, then we need to put in place some love ethics….this is the only way we’ll get anything done.

 

It Is Not Acceptable To Wish Rape/Death/Violence On People to Protect Victims Of Rape/Death/Violence

URG!

Since when is it ok to decide you are an advocate for victims, then turn around and use that same platform of advocacy to threaten or wish harm on someone with what you are fighting against. Several women on Twitter, after the grammy’s began to tweet about Chris Brown, they said some rather outlandish and ignorant things…most of which were along the lines of “I’d let Chris Brown beat me” ….yes…it is disturbing to hear women joke about domestic violence, it is disturbing to see how casual and callous people are towards the victims of domestic violence…so much so that they could joke about it. I was disturbed to see that people thought because Chris Brown is talented and handsome, what he did was acceptable…..acceptable to the point that it is ok to joke about wishing he would do it to you. That is disturbing, ignorant and misguided…..but do these women deserve to be threatened with violence, murder or rape? No. It is NOT acceptable to threaten or wish rape/death/violence on someone in the name of protecting another from those exact horrors! First off, it’s hypocrisy, will you become the devil in order to stay the devil’s hand? It makes no sense! Becoming who you’re fighting in order to fight them is LUNACY. But beyond that….becoming the devil to fight people who have never actually done anything physical to who you’re protecting is stupid. YES!! Call them out on what they are saying, correct them, inform them, call them assholes or idiots but do not threaten or wish death/rape/dmv on to them!

If we are fighting for the victims then we do not have to wish the horrors our victims have faced onto people who are callous about their victim hood. In the example above, these women were not the ones who smashed Rihanna’s face. They were callous about referencing it in a tasteless joking manner. It would be more accurate if you wished domestic violence on Chris Brown because HE IS THE GUILTY ONE or …was (I think people can truly reform or be rehabilitated) but wishing it on miscellaneous people who joke in favor of Chris Brown’s behavior out of ignorance? NO. Not Ok.

This Chris Brown thing is just an EXAMPLE, I have no desire to discuss Chris Brown. I used him as an example but my major point is that we do not wish/threaten people who say stupid or ignorant or callous things about victims or in favor of perpetrators. They are not guilty of the crime, they are guilty of ignorance and they do not deserve to be raped or beaten for their words. If you MUST, wish/threaten the person who ACTUALLY DID THE CRIME with those things. An eye for an eye type deal, but people who aren’t even involved who just come in after to talk shit shouldn’t be silenced w/ these kinds of hateful threats. They should be educated.

 

Thin Privilege & Size Acceptance: An Exploration

Fat NicNac In A Bathing Suit

People get so offended to see fat women with confidence. Fat women in dresses and bathing suits and any sort of clothing that draws attention…colorful, short, tight, revealing and swim wear ANY type of clothing whose purpose isnt to hide their bodies from the rest of the world. Why? Why are people so offended to see fat people being humans in public? Holding hands with their loved ones, kissing their loved ones, dancing at a club with their girls etc. Lying on a beach or sitting on a bench…. I’ll tell you why. America has its own little value system when it comes to women. Fat girls are on the bottom.

Recently I went on a bit of a twitter rant to explain what it means to have “thin privilege” …a privilege that is based solely on the size of a person’s body. For the purpose of this blog post I am going to speak on WOMEN because that is what I know. Thin privilege comes with many unseen advantages for instance when a woman is thin she is automatically assumed to be healthy, active, desirable, sexy, and intelligent. Thin in our society automatically = beauty because the media and advertising sell that image. And we perpetuate, over and over. The media and advertising have created the ideal woman and she is a thin one with arching breasts, a tight ass, no stomach, minimal muscle etc. Thin privilege allows thin/skinny women to make comments about the size of fat women under the guise of “concern” …as if by virtue of having a thin body you automatically were an expert on health, and some how had the right to assume fat women could not be trusted with their own health. When you are thin people automatically assume that you DID something to be thin, as if THINNESS itself were a virtue and fattness were a sign of major characteristic deviancy. Clue…thinness is not a virtue, it doesnt make you a better person PERIOD. And fat women are meant to be the EXACT opposite, ugly, lazy, and stupid. Fat women are the jokes of the dating world, they are the coyote uglies of the movies, the ones you either pity for being outcasted or the ones you hate for being mean or the ones you are embarrassed for.

One of the worst things about our society of fat hatred is the treatment of fat women. Many men are attracted to fat women, but because of the way women in general are used as symbols of status, to date, or commit to a fat woman in public EVEN when you’re attracted to one is almost unheard of! Men dont want fat women because fat women make bad trophies but they also dont want to deny their own personal attraction to them…so they objectify them instead. They use fat hatred against fat women to make fat women feel like any man who glances at them are entitled to their bodies. yes, thin women go through this objectification occasionally but its frowned upon and it doesnt happen nearly as often as it does to fat women! It happens so often to fat, overweight and obese women that it makes up about 90% of their romantic relations with the opposite sex! But I digress, I’m not going to sit here and lament the treatment of fat women strictly on the romantic side of things. Fat women are discriminated against when it comes to jobs, raises, even volunteer opportunities, assumptions based off of stereotypes are used against them to refuse them memberships to clubs, they make less money then thin people! And this is based solely on SIZE. I’ve gone to a public lake to swim in my bathing suit and caught 3 DIFFERENT ppl from 3 DIFFERENT groups taking my picture while my back was turned….no doubt to show a friend for a laugh or to post on the internet because i DARED to be at a wading lake…in a swim suit…like everyone else.

Weight loss corporations PROFIT off of fat people and society’s fear of fat. What they do is they put a commercial out and declare that fat is UGLY, they make sure no positive representations of fat people are available in general and then they start to tell you how fat you are, how you’ll feel much better if you lose weight. They threaten you with death (even though there is research that has PROVEN that size doesnt determine the HEALTH of an individual http://www.nutritionj.com/content/10/1/9 <<< here’s a little taste) declaring that obesity is an epidemic and that people are dropping like flies from fat. Yet a thin girl can almost DIE from eating an unhealthy diet of chicken nuggets for 20 years and the world is so suprised she wasnt fat smh!! These weight loss campaigns have CREATED A PROBLEM and are making a KILLING off of selling the solution! THEY DONT SELL HEALTH! THEY SELL THINNESS! YES, There is a difference. Fat hatred plays right into this. And so does thin privilege. Fat hatred is encouraged…and it is ALSO a primary culprit in eating disorders that prove DEADLY

Lastly …there has been an AWESOME movement called the Fat/Size Acceptance movement. This movement encourages women to embrace their bodies and LOVE their bodies at ANY size. It encourages fitness and health without demanding women lose weight or spend their whole lives dieting and being unsuccessful. Research has shown that only 5% of women who lose significant weight KEEP it off. This movement has encouraged fat women….chunky women, thick women to love what jiggles and what can hardly be contained and it is doing WONDERS for their self esteems, their ideas of self worth, their relationships, their all around mental & physical health! Personally? Fat acceptance has truly helped me LOVE my body, i love all its curves, all it’s flabs, its cellulite, it has taught me that I am a human being and  that i deserve respect and love not “in spite” of my size but BECAUSE of my size. I would love to see this movement spread even further, size acceptance tells fat women they are GORGEOUS without telling thin women that they aren’t, it doesnt take away beauty from one group for the sake of the other but declares every woman of every shape and size to be physically attractive. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again : If you can convince yourself you are beautiful, you will be the LAST person you EVER have to convince <<< this is what size acceptance has taught me. Something that alot of thin people haven’t learned yet..

I wrote this to kind of give you an introduction to the problem with thin privilege and the NEED for things like size/fat acceptance and the health at every size movement….I hope this blog post has given you an idea about the “hype” around size acceptance

 

My Reaction To Race Week

Recently I went to a “Race Week” event on the University Of Akron Campus entitled “Rosa Parks & The Modern Day Bus System”. The point of the event was to have a face to face discussion among students about racism in today’s society using the bus system as a point of reference. The lecturer of the event asked the group of college students if they had the courage of their convictions to do what Rosa Parks did. The room was full of people, packed full of black, white, mixed, hispanic and Indian men and women and the general consensus was “yes’ we would have the courage to do what Rosa did.After that question I was feeling good, all these students believe they would stand up and be spoken even if questioned or threatened! It gave me a spark of hope….However…

The conversation continued and the subject of present day racism came up. The white men in the room began to speak loudly, make jokes and generally disrespect the entire group when the discussion turned towards racism and white privilege. The behavior of these young white men effectively silenced everyone but myself and another woman of color (at the end of the discussion) in this small conference room. A white male raised his hand and addressed the group saying “Our generation isnt really racist, all the older generation of racists are dying off” and the other black woman said “the racism of our generation is subtle, and covert, the racism of our generation is institutional and systematic, just because you dont call me ‘nigger’ to my face doesnt mean your not racist or profiting from racism”. I added that racism is TAUGHT and if any of their parents or grandparents could instill in them a fear of GOD, they could instill in them racist and white supremacist ideas. These statements got the white males in the class in an uproar meanwhile all but 2 (one being myself) of the black people were completely silent. Some were shaking their heads and upset but none spoke. At that point i was infuriated thinking…..where is the COURAGE of your convictions that you claimed 20 minutes ago when what you believe about your people wasn’t being questioned.

Another white man said something to the effect that President Barack Obama proved there was no racism another said “racism only exists for people who NEED it to exist” ….At this point I WAS SO MAD. But i stayed respectful and I addressed what he said. I pointed out the racism that Obama underwent during his presidency, the racial jokes, racial attacks,  the extreme disrespect that no other president went through even with a split government (party wise). One white male BARKED AT ME : ” we dont like Obama because of his policies” and the other girl  who was actively rebutting these guys said “Obama holds the same positions some of the GREATEST republicans in history held, Obama holds many Republican view ! ” and he denied it, started talking over her….at this point i raised my hand and  I pointed out that they were speaking from a place of privilege that they had because of their SKIN COLOR and their gender. I pointed out that they spoke OVER other people and held conversations while others were talking in an effort to strip the legitimacy out of the arguments (the black students) and to SILENCE THEM. This was a part of white supremacy and RACISM. It surpised me to be sitting in a class room with silent black people and white men trying to silence those of us who DID speak by using their whiteness and their maleness. There we were 2 brown skinned black women in a room of white men and black men and Indian men and WE were the only two against all of the white guys. There was a LOT of tension in the room and I was sitting down and a wall of white males were behind me, standing (there were no more seats, they came in late) talking under their breaths as i addressed the class, honestly i felt threatened.

At the close of the lecture these guys were STILL talking and at one point one of the men said something to me, it wasnt WHAT he said but the tone in which he said it that alarmed me, it was a SHOUT and it was full of spit and malice and STRAIGHT UP HATRED. I was facing the front and he was behind me so I turned around to face him and looked him in the eye and asked him what he said to me….he immediately dismissed me with a glance and left the room while i was talking to his back as he strolled away with his white buddies….I sat back down in my seat thinking ….WOW…..WOW…THIS is what our generation has to look forward to…THIS is the post racial society every one is so quick to claim and adopt…Because I was a woman and black…what I said was not heard or received by white men my own age….The black men in teh class would have had better luck but they said NOTHING in defense of their race. We couldn’t count on those black men to speak on behalf ofour race, it further reminded me how they are completely unwilling to speak on behalf of black WOMEN.

But I was also very proud of myself….myself and Gina (the other girl who spoke up against the white males when they started being pushy and disrespectful) …YES…I DO have the courage of my convictions to STAND UP and to be heard, even when someone is trying to tell me that my experience as a black woman is a LIE. Even when someone is using their privilege which is built on RACISM to try to silence me. I do have what it takes to be heard….even when I’m afraid and I was…slightly afraid…I left the building to wait out in front of it with other students for the campus shuttle…the white men were waiting as well and I immediately edged away from them, they were STILL discussing the race week topic, laughing and making jokes…it made me realize how far America REALLY has to go before REAL work on racism can be done….right now we cant even get white people OR black people to ADMIT it…even when white teenagers are attempting lynchings, even when our own president’s name is being used in the same sentence as “skinny black crackhead” …..and THESE are just social examples, it doesnt address racist corporate America or racist legal unjustice system etc.

 

Fat & Beautiful Are NOT Mutually Exclusive

Fat and Beautiful are not mutually exclusive. Time and Time again I’ve been hit on by guys who refuse to call me fat or acknowledge that I am indeed FAT. In fact when I refer to myself as “fat” guys think I’m insulting myself or downing myself when in actuality I’m not. I’m simply using a popular description to adequately describe my body. Technically, NO, I am not FAT, I HAVE fat. But fat is the term people use to describe people that are my size and since it wasnt always negative, I dont mind reclaiming the word and PROUDLY. So thank you for calling me “thick” or “curvy” but don’t forget I’m fat too. I love being fat, i love my body, I feel no shame associated with my fat and THAT is a good thing. So when you tell me I’m not fat, I’m beautiful. You’re suggesting that I can’t be both at the same time. You’re suggesting that fat is ugly in general and that should never be associated with me because you dont see me that way but …I would rather be celebrated for who I am, everything that I am ….and my fat is a part of me, not one I am ashamed of but one I accept and LOVE. Saying “your’e not fat you’re beautiful is like saying “you’re not black you’re beautiful” …..it essentially makes me a fat token while simultaneously declaring all fat people are ugly….and they aren’t. So…..I’m fat AND I’m beautiful….and I’m fuckable and sexy and adorable like a basket of feral kittens lol I am fat and I dont intend to change